Seek first to understand, then to be understood – Stephen R. Covey
Achieving peace in any relationship requires genuine understanding of each other’s needs and perspectives. Good listening skills are valuable, as are talking skills that enable the other person to hear you.
Here are some resources.
- Listening
- A downloadable audio listening skills seminar is available from U.C. Berkeley.
- Empathic Communication
- Empathic Listening chapter (pdf file) from the online book Party Directed Mediation (U.C. Berkeley) 2nd Ed.
- Get a brief overview of compassionate communication in this short article by Marshall Rosenberg.
- Communicating to be heard
- In this demonstration video, Nancy Love of the Pulse Institute provides a nice brief description of communication (gentle, honest, open, and specific) that helps people in a conflict to be heard (about 4:30 into the video).
- Negotiating
- This pdf chapter, Interpersonal Negotiation Skills offer suggestions and examples of skills and conversational approaches that lead to solutions that both parties like. An alternative version (web page with agriculture examples) by the same author is here.
- This article, Negotiating Skills by Christine Fiske and Janet A. Clark of University of Missouri, points to three communication skills that help you negotiate effectively: speaking, listening, and understanding. Active listening is a key element for success in all three of these skills.
- A short article at mindtools.com describes ways to prepare for a negotiation, and provides a free worksheet to help you prepare.